Saturday, December 20, 2008

Since you've been gone

Sorry I have been MIA for the last few weeks, life has been busy and crazy and lots of stuff is changing and such so I haven't been able to do much. Hopefully things will settle down and I will be able to get back doing all my online stuff.
Have a great holiday and I love you all<3



Monday, December 8, 2008

I draw

Drawing use to be something I did every week, sometimes every day. But over the last 2 years at college I have drawn maybe once or twice. After watching Shelter a few days ago I realized how much I missed the arts. I use to draw, paint, write, photoshop, create music, sculpt and now I do nothing creative.

Doing art is not something I do just for fun or for the product at the end. It is the expierence, the moment. My mind goes to a new place when I am in creative mode, it is a great feeling.

So I have decided to pick up my pencil again and take a shot at it. I still have my basic skills, but I have lost a lot of technique over the last 2 years.

Lets see where I can go with this =]

Sunday, November 30, 2008

In preperation

"Childhood is not from birth to a certain age and at a certain age
The child is grown, and puts away his childish things
Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies"

Edna St. Vincent Millay

Thursday November 8, 2007-

I cannot deal anymore

deal with it all

I am done

done for eternity

Monday November 26, 2007-

I really can't handle it

Everyone is dying

Now my parents want to write up a will...they say they aren't going to die, but then why get a will.... then they ask who i want my guardian to be....I don't know!

You dont put that on someone...

Saturday December 1, 2007

I don't understand.... I lost was hard, but I still could see that God was trying to do something, teach me a lesson etc.

My mom's friend from the market died...ok, getting a bit repeditive... a bit much to handle

Then Jennie....I just didn't get it then...3 people in less than 2 months. why would a god who loves us so much, be so unconcerned. Have I been that bad that I deserve this...where is the lesson, the revelation, isn't one person enough!

I finish the funeral for Jennie today and come home...then the call....Courtney died.... why...why the fuck would god do that....what is the fucking purpose! Kicking me while I am already down... like shotting a dead body...... I don't get it.

I think I am done with God....either I hate him so much...or I am done....I haven't really started my relationship with him until these last few months....and if death is what a relationship with god intells...then I am done and I want nothing to do with this kind of God

I loved Courtney... she is one of the only people I can honestly say I loved in a romantic way. We would always joke around with each other and our families about how we would get married one day...though a did cross my mind that I could see myself marrying her someday....if the oppurtunity arose....

I am done... with a lot right now...

Monday December 3, 2007

If you have read my previous post "Done with life", then continue reading, if you have not, go read it then read this.

I am still very upset...and confused... but I was , in the moment, caught up in things, Things are not as futile as I made them seem. Not to say those thoughts were wrong, I still believe every word I typed in that post. But my feelings are not as extreme at the moment.

I am upset still

I still feel the same towards God, and I have not spoken to him since Saturday, except to question him or to yell at him... I am not sure I want to be part of his faith anymore...if this is being in his good graces or in his "loving arms" then I'd rather be away from him.

Some may say this is Satan's work, and he wants you to feel this way. Well then, he wins, I understood the first death...the second hurt...but the next overkill. They say God will never face you with anything you can't handle...well then why would he allow Satan to do all this... wasn't one enough but no four, a bit more than I can handle.

I hope I have clarified enough..I think I have said enough as well... I don't want any Sunday school answer or explanation, I Know them all and they do not help, at all... I may not go to church...or a just makes me mad to be there... I feel like they are lying... they talk of Gods comforting touch... Iam still waiting...and I still haven't felt anything... I cried out to God, to please...just give me something, a chill, a gust, something, something to comfort me, something to show me you are next to me, waiting for me, loving me...but nothing.... if he is a God of love, then I do not understand love, I have never felt his love, his blessing, nothing....I thought it was my fault...I thought I wasn't open enough, so I have been trying to find him, to be open to him, to feel him...and when I finally felt like I might get to him he pushes me away. Wouldn't he want me to know what I am missing before he allows Satan to attack me.... I think Satan and Lucifer are different people.... they have to be, their stories don't match up.... I Think God Created Satan in the beginning, to tempt us and to corrupt us, an Lucifer is a fallen angel that works against God, and tries to fight against him.


Revolving in the Door, never to escape the torment and pain.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

This time of year

"I have to live life to the fullest, to explore, learn and experience as much as i can before i go sliding into my casket sideways, with a margarita in one hand, giving a thumbs up with the other saying .wow what a ride!'" - Kristie Waters

Monday, November 17, 2008

[11/17] New 555g vid

Well spirituality gets me going =P

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Join the Impact! - Do Your Part for Your Rights

This Saturday, all around the nation, those of the LGBT community and allies are rising up in all major cities to protest the injustices we had inflicted upon us this past week. Check out: , and look for a city near you. It is all going down between 10:30-1:30 depending on your time zone. We need to make ourselves heard! This could be the largest protest for the LGBT community since StoneWall back in the 70's.

This is a critical time, we need to show the country we are not going to take this laying down anymore.
We have to show we care.
We have to show will fight.
No one should be able to decide what rights we have.
The majority cannot make laws for the minority!

So please, if you can, protest this Saturday, tell your friends, the more people the more Impact we will make!

Godspeed everyone!

See you Saturday!

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Obama as the AntiChrist?

Ok, let me set some things straight.
No where in the bible does it say anything remotely that Obama may be the antichrist. I have read Revelation and Daniel many times in the past, and there is nothing that leads me to believe that he would be.

Here is the most used verse Daniel 11:21 - "He will be succeeded by a contemptible person who has not been given the honor of royalty. He will invade the kingdom when its people feel secure, and he will seize it through intrigue."

Let me say that the people in this nation are not feeling secure right now. We are in the worst financial crisis since the Depression. Not to mention the 2 wars we are facing and the rising danger of Iran, North Korea, and the recent actions of Russia. We are also alone, nearly all of our allies have turned from us in support and most of the world despises us. If this is secure then I would love to know what a crisis is.

Furthermore, if you read the chapter and the book as a whole, it is so far from having anything to do with Obama. If you can seriously read the whole book and relate it to Obama entirely, please let me know.

Jesus says the rapture will come like, "a thief in the night". If this is true then no one would expect Obama to be the Anti-Christ. Seeing as how so many think he is, it would impossible for him to be part of the rapture. So infact believing he is, is un-Christian in itself since you are believing something contrary to Jesus' teachings.

Also, I have heard somethings about verses saying a "dark" man will rise to power. Though I cannot recall these verses, this is exactly how Christians justified centuries of slavery. Using the term dark to represent black people and evil, while using white to represent the Caucasian Europeans.

So please stop with all this nonsense, it makes you look ignorant and not like a good Christian.

Anyways, if Obama is the Anti-Christ,and this is the beginning of the end.... shouldn't you be happy, you have been waiting for 2000 years for it to end, well here it is, stop complaining and get ready to go. Rejoice! Jesus is coming back! The end is here! You have been telling us it is going to come every year, well if you are right in this interpretation then you should know it is all in God's plan. This is God's will. You should have nothing to fear. Nothing to worry about. Nothing to complain about. If you believe what you are preaching, God choose Obama to be President of the United States.

Thank you and good night

Thursday, October 30, 2008

As I sit
As I wait
I see her faces
I hear her voices

One above the rest
Expounds upon my mind
my memory
the past

I feel the touch
I long for

I move across the floor
Bodies swaying
fluttering, gliding
forever in circles
around and around.

I move again,
but each step
takes me back
as the room fills
entangled entities
dancing before me.

I run now
between the couples
they move from my path
with out notice

The high ceiling
filled with candles
flickers on her face
Blank and uninterested
But I must see

I reach for her
She does not move
I pull her to the floor
We become as the rest
moving through the room
Circles and circle.

All I want is to see
All I want it to hear
All I want is for her
To be there.

I continue to sway
She still hasn't awoken
From the trance

A drop forms
The last movement
of the beat
is fast approaching

She must awaken
before it is over.

Everyone is moving faster
anticipating the end
The dread exhumes

I hear the last line
I burst.
I stop and reach
for and embrace
the Last embrace

I fall into nothing
Nothing is around me
nothing in front

She is gone
Gone forever
into Oblivion

I sit alone
Alone in the ball room
Center under the last light remaining.

For an eternity
I stay
staring into the empty space
before my face.

The doors open
new couples float in
The overture rises
The waltz begin

Do I stand
Do I stay
Do I continue
Do I move
on, on and on

That time again

I periodically go through phases of depression and anxiety and I am on the brink of one again... it is coming to the anniversary of a bad time in my life and the holidays which are not good memories for me are coming up again. I am hoping I can keep a high head and stay focused, but as more stuff is piled on I find my feet and legs cannot take the pressure.
Will I make it? Will I fall? Will I have to crawl?
Only the future can tell, the future of which none can tell. I should not worry about something I cannot control, but that won't stop me. I feel like I can take on anything.

Che sara sara

Sunday, October 26, 2008

New Blog Idea- Unifying the LGBT community

I feel like we are not connected. We are not standing together but infact fighting amongst ourselves. No one believes bisexuals are really bisexual. Many do not care for transexuals and transgendered. The younger and older gays dont get along. There seems to be a rift between the Gay and lesbians.

So I plan to devout a few of my next videos to these issues. Hoping to point out the inhereit flaws in our community.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

To Struggle against the moment.

Just a quote that I have used as a personal creed for the majority of my mature life.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

My Youtube

And the Collab Channel I am apart of.

Give it another Go

So I am going to try and actually blog again.
I have come to realize I can't vlog everything, because some things I blog would make weird videos.

So I will be posting new blogs and old ones from my other blogs around the net until I get into the swing of things

Tuesday, August 26, 2008


Love today,
pray for tomorrow,
forget yesturday.

You life must flow, in a beat.
You must sway
and move with it,

least you will lose your stand
be thrown out of sync
Become lost and out of touch.

Love yourself,
be yourself
Know yourself.

Thursday, July 10, 2008


I have about a million different blogs all over the net... but a lot of websites will only host this blog server, so I decided to try and move here =]