Friday, July 3, 2009

Confusion of Prayer

So I have not really been a "follower" of Christianity for a year now almost. By no means do I denounce a God or a superior celestial Being, but I cannot bring myself to follow or believe in Christianity as it is today. I am not going to go into my full beleifs but I just do not hold any of it true for myself.

Yet I still do pray, not for myself, but for others. I am not saying this to sound like I don't care for myself or be self righteous, I don't pray for myself because I don't think I deserve it? if that makes since, but I will pray to God, assumingly the Christian one for others, who I know believe in Jesus and Christianity. I am not sure what this means for my psyche or whatnot, but I seem to acknolwedge that God is real for them and works in there life, otherwise I would not pray for them, yet not in mine? And I am again not saying I am abandoned, but maybe I feel guilty that I do not believe in the Christian God anymore, or maybe I believe in that God, but feel bad I do not believe in the faith carried out in his name.

idk, just pouring of thoughts as usual